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2008 Jokes, Humour and Funny Stuff

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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2008-01-01 8:42 AM
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Welcome to the official 2008 thread for posting your jokes and (tasteful) humour.

Please ensure that posts are made within the boundaries of the forum rules and remember that this is a family forum.

View: Forum Rules & Charter
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Rich Hawley Page Icon Posted 2008-01-01 9:20 AM
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Well, let's get it started right...

There's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
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HPCer Page Icon Posted 2008-01-01 11:34 AM
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Ha ha. Good one. This has to be one of my favorites:



(computer joke.JPG)



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Attachments computer joke.JPG (6KB - 6 downloads)
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Deedee
Deedee Page Icon Posted 2008-01-01 2:06 PM
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Nice to start the New Year off with a smile.....thanks!
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btrimmer Page Icon Posted 2008-01-01 9:27 PM
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This one doesn't work as well written - you really have to read it out loud for it to make sense:

A Polar Bear walks in to a bar. He says to the bartender "I'll have a Gin.............."

"............................"

".............and Tonic, please."

The bartender looks at the Polar Bear and says "Hey, what's with the big pause?"

The Polar Bear, holding up his front paws, looks at them and says "I don't know - they've been that way all my life."

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CE Geek Page Icon Posted 2008-01-01 10:27 PM
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Q: What did the man say when he walked into a bar?
A: "Ouch! Ow!"
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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2008-01-02 8:09 AM
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What's this you two, starting the year as you mean to go on? lol
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Yoldering Page Icon Posted 2008-01-03 9:59 AM
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First-year students at Texas A&M Vet School were receiving their first anatomy class with a dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, "In Vet Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body. To demonstrate, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it, and stuck it in his mouth.
"Now it's your turn," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid."

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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2008-01-03 10:45 AM
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oh dear, that is bad even by our standards
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CE Geek Page Icon Posted 2008-01-03 8:26 PM
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LOL

Only Yoldering could come up with one like that.
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Yoldering Page Icon Posted 2008-01-09 8:35 AM
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HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR : 2029


Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia , formerly known as California White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.



Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.



Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.




Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.



Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.




France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!



Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.




George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.




Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.




85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight l oss.



Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.


Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Florexico.




Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.



Abortion clinics now available in every
High School in United States .


Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.



Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.



Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.



Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.



New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030



IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.



Florexico voters still having trouble with voting machines.
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Rich Hawley Page Icon Posted 2008-01-09 10:16 AM
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Yoldering...might be funny if it didn't have such a ring of truth to it....

Rich
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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2008-01-09 2:48 PM
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I was going to add "Do I sense a slight bitterness in your post", but then the phone rang and I forgot
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CE Geek Page Icon Posted 2008-01-09 7:39 PM
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I'll say it a little differently: "Do I sense political motivations in your post?"
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Yoldering Page Icon Posted 2008-01-21 4:06 PM
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To my darling husband,

Before you return from your business trip I just want to let you know about the

small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway.

Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too

much about me.

I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I

accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.

The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when

it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will

forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.

I am enclosing a picture for you.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife.
XXX

V
V
V
V
V
PS: your girlfriend called...

Edited by Yoldering 2008-01-21 4:11 PM




(truck.JPG)



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