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2008 Jokes, Humour and Funny Stuff

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Richard Plume Page Icon Posted 2008-03-11 9:41 AM
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More blonde jokes...


BLONDE LOGIC
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?????"

---

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you?!"

---

RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back,

"You ARE on the other side."

---

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

---

KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

---

BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.

"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

---

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

---

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
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CE Geek Page Icon Posted 2008-03-11 12:30 PM
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C:Amie - 2008-03-11 2:55 AM

How is it possible to have a civil war? The English way!


"Pardon me, mate, but may I shoot you?"
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Rich Hawley Page Icon Posted 2008-03-11 2:03 PM
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I love blonde jokes....
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CE Geek Page Icon Posted 2008-03-11 3:55 PM
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Gee, I never would've guessed. (I trust your wife isn't blonde. )
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Rich Hawley Page Icon Posted 2008-03-11 5:12 PM
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Heck no, she isn't blonde...wish she was...

A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?" "Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?" "Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces." "Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is." "It's a big rooster," she said. The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Honey, put the corn flakes back in the box."
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Richard Plume Page Icon Posted 2008-03-13 10:39 AM
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Out of the mouth of babes...


Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call.

The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-year old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom.

Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place......smack his bum again!'
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Yoldering Page Icon Posted 2008-03-13 2:57 PM
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6 Truths of Life









1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.

























2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.














3. The first truth is a lie.


















4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.















5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.









6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.





Sorry about this I was An Idiot too, And Needed Company....
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cmonex Page Icon Posted 2008-03-13 3:53 PM
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it broke after the 3rd statement...(failed to apply to me)

also, from statement 2) ("All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it." ) it does not follow that everyone who tries it is an idiot.

Edited by cmonex 2008-03-13 3:53 PM
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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2008-03-13 4:07 PM
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Someone just too that WAYYYYYYYYYY too seriously
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cmonex Page Icon Posted 2008-03-13 4:28 PM
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nah, just pondered over the logic failure in that statement
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CE Geek Page Icon Posted 2008-03-14 3:03 AM
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That too.
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Yoldering Page Icon Posted 2008-03-14 7:06 AM
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C:Amie - 2008-03-13 3:07 PM

Someone just too that WAYYYYYYYYYY too seriously
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Rich Hawley Page Icon Posted 2008-03-14 7:15 AM
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What if you don't have any teeth?
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CE Geek Page Icon Posted 2008-03-14 12:57 PM
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Careful, Rich - now some idiot's gonna have to knock all his teeth out to check this out.
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Yoldering Page Icon Posted 2008-03-20 10:12 AM
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I put this one on the old thread a few years back... But it is too good. I played it on one of my IT guys a little while back and got some great laughs...

Try this one mess with people at work or at home by using their computers, you should preferably wait until the person is out of the room:

1.Take a screenshot of their desktop, save it and then set it to the background. Then right click on an empty space on the desktop and goto Arrange By > Show Desktop Icons. This should be ticked, by clicking on it, this will hide all the icons but it still looks like the icons are there because of the back drop, its great fun watching them trying to double click something. To take a screenshot: Press the "Print Screen" (or "Prt Sc" button on your keyboard, this should be somewhere near the top right-hand corner of the keyboard. Then go into MS Paint (Start > Programs > Accessories > Paint). Click the Edit menu, then select Paste. Then save the file wherever you want it.

Pretty Funny
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