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2009 Jokes, Humour and Funny Stuff

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CE Geek Page Icon Posted 2009-05-17 12:03 AM
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Haven't heard that one in a while.
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Yoldering Page Icon Posted 2009-05-21 8:38 AM
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This is bad but too funny,

5 NUNS IN A BAR


Sisters Mary Catherine, Maria Theresa, Katherine Marie, Rose Frances, & Mary Kathleen left the Convent on a trip to St.. Patrick's Cathedral in New York City and were sight-seeing on a Tuesday in July. It was hot and humid in town and their traditional garb was making them so uncomfortable, they decided to stop in at Patty McGuire's Pub for a cold soft drink.

Patty had recently added special legs to his barstools, which were the talk of the fashionable eastside neighborhood. All 5 Nuns sat up at the bar and were enjoying their Cokes when Monsignor Riley and Father McGinty entered the bar through th e front door
They, too, came for a cold drink when they were shocked and almost fainted at what they saw.

See below




















...


Edited by Yoldering 2009-05-21 8:41 AM




(nuns.jpg)



Attachments
----------------
Attachments nuns.jpg (46KB - 1 downloads)
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Yoldering Page Icon Posted 2009-05-27 10:27 AM
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New High School Exit Exam, you only need 4 correct to pass.

High School Exit Exam...!!


(Passing requires 4 correct answers)


1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?


2) Which country makes Panama hats?



3) From which animal do we get cat gut?



4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?



5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?



6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?



7) What was King George VI's first name?



8) What color is a purple finch?



9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?



10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?















Remember, you need 4 correct answers to pass.


Check your answers below ...


ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ




1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?

116 years




2) Which country makes Panama hats?

Ecuador



3) From which animal do we get cat gut?

Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November




5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

Squirrel fur




6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

Dogs



7) What was King George VI's first name?

Albert




8) What color is a purple finch ?

Crimson

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

Orange (of course)




********************************************************************************************************

What do you mean, you failed? Me, too.


(And if you try to tell me you passed, you FIB!)


Pass this on to some brilliant friends, so they may feel useless too.
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CE Geek Page Icon Posted 2009-05-27 2:57 PM
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Geez, how'd I manage to get a master's degree? I only got two of them right (the first and last ones).

At least I knew they were all trick questions.
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Rich Hawley Page Icon Posted 2009-05-27 4:32 PM
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Hey...I got 3 & 6...and I'm supposedly educated as well...go figure
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Richard Plume Page Icon Posted 2009-06-02 7:21 PM
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Anagrams... Someone out there is deadly at Scrabble...


DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM


PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER


ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER


DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT


THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE


GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE


THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS


SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME


ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY


SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S


A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I'M A DOT IN PLACE


THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE


ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE


And the most important anagram...


ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
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CE Geek Page Icon Posted 2009-06-02 9:02 PM
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LOL-and-a-half

The first one definitely applied to where I stayed as a freshman in college.

As for the second one, Episcopals may disagree with that assessment, but bear in mind that the only thing you can get from rescrambling EPISCOPAL is PEPSI-COLA.
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michelbel Page Icon Posted 2009-06-03 1:34 AM
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CE Geek - 2009-06-02 3:02 AM

As for the second one, Episcopals may disagree with that assessment, but bear in mind that the only thing you can get from rescrambling EPISCOPAL is PEPSI-COLA.

So that's how they keep awake during a sermon...
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CE Geek Page Icon Posted 2009-06-03 4:06 AM
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Now stop that, michelbel.
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Richard Plume Page Icon Posted 2009-06-03 5:22 PM
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11 peopleā€¦ on a rope

Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter.

10 men and 1 woman.

The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall.

They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.

She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping . . .
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dougzy Page Icon Posted 2009-06-03 6:41 PM
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Hilarious, I've heard many with the clapping element (letting go in the process) but none so funny

A friend told me this one. Bear with me if you're not Northern Irish but substitute whichever city you want in -

Two blondes are sitting on a park bench in Londonderry and looking into the night sky
The first says : "What do you think is closer, Belfast or the moon"
The second replies: "Hello, can you see Belfast from here"



Edited by dougzy 2009-06-03 6:47 PM
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CE Geek Page Icon Posted 2009-06-03 8:51 PM
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Tune in tomorrow when we ask Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin which is closer - Russia or the moon. (Harder question since she can see Russia from her house too.)

While we're talking about blondes, I'll resurrect one that I shared in one of our old archived humor threads:

Blonde at airport: I'd like a round-trip ticket, please.
Ticket agent: Certainly, ma'am. Where to?
Blonde (rolling her eyes): Duhhh, back here.

Edited by CE Geek 2009-06-03 8:56 PM
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CE Geek Page Icon Posted 2009-06-04 7:18 PM
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Sometimes I wonder - why is that Frisbee getting bigger?
Then it hits me.

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btrimmer Page Icon Posted 2009-06-04 10:50 PM
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An American takes his visiting British cousin to see a baseball game. Having never seen a baseball game before, the visiting cousin is unfamiliar with the rules. He gets the general idea of how it works. When you hit the ball, you run to one of three white bags out in the field. If someone picks up the ball and touches you with it, you leave the field unless you're standing on one of the three white bags. If you fail to hit the ball, you eventually have to leave and let the next person try, and so on.

However, at one point, a player who failed to hit the ball starts walking toward the first bag in the field. Up to this point in the game, everyone who went into the field ran as fast as they could to get to the first base. Confused, the Brit asks his cousin why this player isn't running like all the others.

"Oh," says the American, "He doesn't have to run - he's got four balls."

"Four balls?", replied the British cousin with disbelief, "How the heck does a man walk if he's got four balls?"

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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2009-06-05 3:59 AM
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btrimmer - 2009-06-05 3:50 AM

An American takes his visiting British cousin to see a baseball game. Having never seen a baseball game before, the visiting cousin is unfamiliar with the rules. He gets the general idea of how it works. When you hit the ball, you run to one of three white bags out in the field. If someone picks up the ball and touches you with it, you leave the field unless you're standing on one of the three white bags. If you fail to hit the ball, you eventually have to leave and let the next person try, and so on.

However, at one point, a player who failed to hit the ball starts walking toward the first bag in the field. Up to this point in the game, everyone who went into the field ran as fast as they could to get to the first base. Confused, the Brit asks his cousin why this player isn't running like all the others.

"Oh," says the American, "He doesn't have to run - he's got four balls."

"Four balls?", replied the British cousin with disbelief, "How the heck does a man walk if he's got four balls?"

lil' help here?
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