2014 Jokes, Humour and Funny Stuff

Not really funny though, everyone having a clue in stats won't laugh because this mistake of independency of events is very basic.

Edited by Alt Bass 2014-07-11 3:48 PM

Really?

Yup, Alt Bass, I see this all the time. That's why I leave my cell phone (which is a "dumbphone" rather than a smartphone) in my car.

Actually in 2004 I would take out an HPC and search for WiFi... in 2014 I just use 3G on my Windows Phone

As much as I appreciate the cost reduction when technology becomes available and adopted by the general public, I do wish people know how to properly use these tools.

I'd much rather see people use a good old flip phone than slapping their open "wallets" on their faces...

One happy place is Starbucks, which allows you free WiFi in Japan which is rare. I use it there with my Macbook Pro with firewall.

Also, I use my Portus which does 42Mbps max download for $20 / month by Willcom. This is a real good deal.

I am returning to analog in many things, as I think digital equipment made me weak health wise.

1. There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

2. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It's a hardware problem.

3. A SEO couple had twins. For the first time they were happy with duplicate content.

4. Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?
Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC

5. Why do they call it hyper text?
Too much JAVA.

6. Why was the JavaScript developer sad?
Because he didn't Node how to Express himself

7. In order to understand recursion you must first understand recursion.

8. Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they can't C#

9. What do you call 8 hobbits?
A hobbyte

10. Why did the developer go broke?
Because he used up all his cache

11. Why did the geek add body { padding-top: 1000px; } to his Facebook profile?
He wanted to keep a low profile.

12. An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol

13. I would tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.

14. 8 bytes walk into a bar, the bartenders asks "What will it be?"
One of them says, "Make us a double."

15. Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, "Are you ill?"
The second byte replies, "No, just feeling a bit off."

16. These two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?"
The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu"
"Please excuse my friend," the second string says, "He isn't null-terminated."

17. "Knock, knock. Who's there?"
very long pause...
"Java."

18. If you put a million monkeys on a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl programs.

19. There's a band called 1023MB. They haven't had any gigs yet.

20. There are only two hard things in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors.

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After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, French scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the French: in the weeks that followed, American archaeologists dug to a depth of 20 feet before finding traces of copper wire. Shortly afterwards, they published an article in the New York Times saying : "American archaeologists, having found traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the French."

A few weeks later, ‘The British Archaeological Society of Northern England’ reported the following: "After digging down to a depth of 33 feet in the Skipton area of North Yorkshire in 2011, Charlie Hardcastle, a self-taught local amateur archaeologist, reported that he had found absolutely bugger all. Charlie has therefore concluded that 250 years ago,Britain had already gone wireless."

Just makes you bloody proud to be British

A tough old sheep farmer from Scotland gave some good advice to his granddaughter.
He told her that the secret to a long life was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder onto her porridge every morning.
The grand daughter followed this dictum religiously until her death at the venerable age of 103.
She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great grandchildren, 25 great great grandchildren and a forty foot hole where the crematorium used to be.!!

A musician named Dave Carroll recently had difficulty with United airlines. Dave spent over 9 months trying to get United to pay for damages caused by baggage handlers to his custom Taylor guitar.

During his final exchange with the United Customer Relations Manager, he stated that he was left with no choice other than to create a music video for YouTube exposing their lack of co-operation.

The Manager responded: "Good luck with that one, pal."

So he posted a retaliatory video on YouTube.

The video has since received over 6 million hits.

United Airlines contacted the musician and attempted settlement in exchange for pulling the video.
Naturally his response was: "Good luck with that one, pal."

Taylor Guitars sent the musician 2 new custom guitars in appreciation for the product recognition from the video that has led to a sharp increase in orders.

Here's the video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=5YGc4zOqozo

Love it. )))

Absolutely impossible in Russia - a company like United would harass the singer after such song in any possible and remotely legal way and won't still loose much because it's market share is not going to fall considerably.

Apparently the "Friendly Skies" aren't so friendly on the tarmac.

Oh what a tangled language English is and how easy it is to misconstrue......

A man takes a lady out to dinner for the first time. Later they go on to a show.
The evening is a huge success and as he drops her at her door he says 'I have had a lovely time.
You looked so beautiful, you remind me of a beautiful climbing rose. May I call on you tomorrow?'

She agrees and a date is made.
The next night he knocks on her door and when she opens it she slaps him hard across the face.
He is stunned. 'What was that for?' he asked.
She said... I looked up "beautiful climbing rose" on Google last night and it said…..
"Best suited for rooting against a brick wall or fence, no good in an open bed."

Was the date a blonde by any chance?

Yeah probably, those who have to Google every word they don't know and land up in urban dictionary

I have a separate address bar keywords for Longman dictionary and Urban dictionary, BTW.