x
This website is using cookies. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. More info. That's Fine
 
 
Latest Forum Activity

Sticky Jokes, Humour and Funny Stuff
Moderators: insurgent, C:Amie

Jump to page : 1 2 3 4 5 6
Now viewing page 6 [15 messages per page]

Forums · General Discussion · Off Topic

Posted 2018-12-22 1:10 PM
#
Administrator
H/PC Oracle

Posts:
14,525
Location:
Fields End, UK
Status:


A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.

The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"

"Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.

"Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied.

The officer grinned and added, "Did you ever catch all the fish?"

----------

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in. Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whispered, "Hello."

"Is your Daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Mommy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."

Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."Me!"

----------

A sadist and a masochist were put into the same jail cell and soon found out about each other.

The masochist cried, "Oh, hurt me, pinch me, humiliate me. Please cause me pain!"

The sadist looked at him and said, "No".
 Top of the page
Posted 2018-12-31 10:56 PM
#
Global Moderator
H/PC Oracle

Posts:
11,958
Location:
Southern California
Status:
So my therapist referred me to a support group. They say they're called Skeptics Anonymous, but I don't believe them.
 Top of the page
Posted 2018-12-31 11:13 PM
#
Administrator
H/PC Oracle

Posts:
14,525
Location:
Fields End, UK
Status:
... and tell dad jokes
 Top of the page
Posted 2019-01-16 10:25 AM
#
Administrator
H/PC Oracle

Posts:
14,525
Location:
Fields End, UK
Status:
 Top of the page
Posted 2019-01-16 11:22 AM
#
Writing Team
H/PC Elder

Posts:
2,157
Location:
Japan
Status:
I'm not far from Tokyo, but I think I once saw a drone fly near my house (residential area) at night... I also saw a police patrol car going fast around my neighborhood just before I saw it. (Maybe it was chasing it?)

Wait till Amazon delivers packages by drones, there will be new sort of thieves catching packages with net-drones....



 Top of the page
Posted 2019-01-16 12:00 PM
#
Administrator
H/PC Oracle

Posts:
14,525
Location:
Fields End, UK
Status:
If they try and fly one of the damn things over my house, a net will be the least of its worries.
 Top of the page
Posted 2019-01-16 10:32 PM
#
Writing Team
H/PC Elder

Posts:
2,157
Location:
Japan
Status:
lol!. I'd bet.
 Top of the page
Posted 2019-01-22 9:17 PM
#
Administrator
H/PC Oracle

Posts:
14,525
Location:
Fields End, UK
Status:
 Top of the page
Posted 2019-02-04 11:03 AM
#
Administrator
H/PC Oracle

Posts:
14,525
Location:
Fields End, UK
Status:
 Top of the page
hpc:factor« View previous thread · Off Topic · View next thread »

Jump to page : 1 2 3 4 5 6
Now viewing page 6 [15 messages per page]

Jump to forum :
Search this forum
Printer friendly version
E-mail a link to this thread
Seconds to generate: 0.140 - Cached queries : 63 - Executed queries : 9
Server Time now is: Thursday, 21 February 2019 - 14:9