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Jokes, Humour and Funny Stuff

Moderators: insurgent, C:Amie

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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2020-04-11 11:26 AM
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Alt Bass Page Icon Posted 2020-04-12 7:11 AM
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Nice round up!

Edited by Alt Bass 2020-04-12 7:12 AM
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stingraze Page Icon Posted 2020-04-12 11:13 AM
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I liked that Lego one. It's too realistic. Should be for ages 30-99.
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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2020-04-13 2:03 PM
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CE Geek Page Icon Posted 2020-04-14 12:34 AM
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Took me a few secs to figure out that last one. Maybe that was cuz I don't drink - I'd've gotten a round glass and stuck with the root beer (and a slice of pi).
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stingraze Page Icon Posted 2020-04-14 3:20 AM
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haha I liked that root / root beer joke.
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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2020-04-15 7:42 PM
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ArchiMark Page Icon Posted 2020-04-15 7:42 PM
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Those are great, C:Amie !

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Alt Bass Page Icon Posted 2020-04-17 2:51 AM
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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2020-04-19 6:06 PM
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HPC:Fan Page Icon Posted 2020-04-19 10:28 PM
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What do you call a fish without eyes?

Answer:

Ready?

Here it comes...

"Eyeless"

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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2020-04-19 10:40 PM
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HPC:Fan - 2020-04-19 10:28 PM

What do you call a fish without eyes?

Answer:

Ready?

Here it comes...

"Eyeless"

On behalf of quite literally everyone here...



I'm sorry, that's just how it is. You crossed a line.

That was terrible.







A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.

The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage:

"Hey, Doc, want to take a look at this?"

The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its' heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $39,675 a year and you get the really big bucks ($1,695,759) when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic

Show spoiler...
"Try doing it with the engine running"



----------

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'

But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
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HPC:Fan Page Icon Posted 2020-04-19 10:59 PM
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I deserve to be banned for that, not because it wasn't funny but because like an idiot, I said it wrong. Wasn't supposed to be "without eyes", was supposed to be "without I's". Ok, now that I think about it, that wouldn't have made it funnier.

Ban away!


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Jake Page Icon Posted 2020-04-19 11:08 PM
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No, no, no. We have to stick together here, both in times like this and times not like this.

Jake
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CE Geek Page Icon Posted 2020-04-20 1:56 AM
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Make sure you're wearing a mask when you tell that joke in public, HPC:Fan.

C:Amie, what does the doc say if (s)he's the coroner?
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