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Jokes, Humour and Funny Stuff

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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2018-12-22 1:10 PM
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A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.

The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"

"Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.

"Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied.

The officer grinned and added, "Did you ever catch all the fish?"

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The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in. Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whispered, "Hello."

"Is your Daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Mommy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."

Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."Me!"

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A sadist and a masochist were put into the same jail cell and soon found out about each other.

The masochist cried, "Oh, hurt me, pinch me, humiliate me. Please cause me pain!"

The sadist looked at him and said, "No".
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CE Geek Page Icon Posted 2018-12-31 10:56 PM
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So my therapist referred me to a support group. They say they're called Skeptics Anonymous, but I don't believe them.
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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2018-12-31 11:13 PM
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... and tell dad jokes
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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2019-01-16 10:25 AM
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stingraze Page Icon Posted 2019-01-16 11:22 AM
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I'm not far from Tokyo, but I think I once saw a drone fly near my house (residential area) at night... I also saw a police patrol car going fast around my neighborhood just before I saw it. (Maybe it was chasing it?)

Wait till Amazon delivers packages by drones, there will be new sort of thieves catching packages with net-drones....



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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2019-01-16 12:00 PM
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If they try and fly one of the damn things over my house, a net will be the least of its worries.
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stingraze Page Icon Posted 2019-01-16 10:32 PM
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lol!. I'd bet.
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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2019-01-22 9:17 PM
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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2019-02-04 11:03 AM
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thcrw739 Page Icon Posted 2019-05-20 5:12 AM
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Hmmm?



(stink.png)



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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2019-05-20 7:57 AM
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Gah, CNN has been droning on about the finale for the last 15 minutes. I have the TV on mute and every time I look up it's playing clips :/

I haven't watched any of series 8 yet. I'll binge it now that it's all out.

Someone told me that there were several petitions grumbling about it.
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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2019-05-20 4:34 PM
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CE Geek Page Icon Posted 2019-05-21 6:46 AM
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Not if he's protected by a knight . . .
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Rich Hawley Page Icon Posted 2019-05-21 3:44 PM
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The floor makes the joke.
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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2019-05-21 4:52 PM
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I think it is more amusing that they've screwed up on mixing the Vatican (Catholic) with ERII (Anglican).

It's clearly Westminster Abby, derr

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