2010 Jokes, Humour and Funny Stuff

Look up: invasion!
http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&q=Foxoak+St,+Cradley+Heath,+West+Midlands+B64,+United+Kingdom&sll=53.800651,-4.064941&sspn=13.283564,27.817383&ie=UTF8&hnear=Foxoak+St,+Cradley+Heath,+West+Midlands+B64,+United+Kingdom&t=h&layer=c&cbll=52.470165,-2.082675&panoid=BI32I2U_eu0IucKblb4Tqg&cbp=12,321.05,,0,8.38&hq=&ll=52.474985,-2.078422&spn=0,359.986063&z=17

I just realized that google street view has a 3D option!... Strange!

oh with the crazyness

So what is that thing? Looks more Romulan than Klingon to me.....



Edited by PDXMark 2010-04-06 11:15 PM

I think it's a pair of pliers isn't it

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Murphy applied for a fermentation operator post at a famous Irish firm based in Dublin . An American applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test by the Manager. When the results were in, amazingly, both men had only one wrong answer.

The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for coming to the interview, but we’ve decided to give the American the job."

Murphy, "And why would you be doing that? We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish surely I should get the job."

Manager, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed."

Murphy, "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"

Manager, "Simple. On question number 7 the American wrote down, 'I don’t know.' "

You put down, "Neither do I."

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The driving manual says the average driver's reaction time is .75 seconds or
1 car length for every 10mph

Test your average reaction time.
Reaction Test:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sleep/sheep/reaction_version5.swf

Wait, what are you talking about?

Look, up in the sky! It's a Bird - It's a Plane - It's....

(rotate the view to look up at the sky)

Or aliens' ship? Or...
Google's joke?

Maybe it's Google's way of promoting the new Dr. Who series...

Oh, I see... I was looking everywhere but up. Yeah, they are pliers...
The funny thing is, I googled "invasion" and "Google Street view" and was wondering what was so funny about it. I can't believe how many sites are anti street view. Now I understand. There is also a cafe in the US that is called Invasion cafe... http://www.invasionpdx.com/ and a street in San Marcos TX called Invasion St. I need to get some 3D glasses and check out the 3D street view. I have had too much coffee today!

- splat!

. . . it's a bird. (Sorry, old joke.)

GORDON BROWN

Gordon Brown goes on a state visit to Israel . While he is on a tour of Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and passes away. The undertaker tells the British Diplomats accompanying him, 'You can have him shipped home for £5,000,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land , for just £100.'

The British Diplomats go into a corner and discuss for a minute. They come back to the undertaker and tell him they want Gordon shipped home.

The undertaker is puzzled and asks, 'Why would you spend £5,000,000 to ship him home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only £100? With the money you save you could help pay back some of the deficit, help pay for the Olympic Games or help the elderly'.

The British Diplomats replied, 'Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. We just can't take the risk.'




It's Election time

hahaha... I needed that.

Something to ponder





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You may remember the old Jewish Catskill comics of Vaudeville days: Shecky Greene, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Joey Bishop, Milton Berle, Jan Murray, Danny Kaye, Henny Youngman, Buddy Hackett, Sid Caesar, Groucho Marx, Jackie Mason, Victor Borge, Woody Allen, Joan Rivers, Lenny Bruce, George Burns, Allan Sherman, Jerry Lewis, Peter Sellers, Carl Reiner, Shelley Berman, Gene Wilder, George Jessel, Alan King, Mel Brooks, Phil Silvers, Jack Carter, Rodney Dangerfield, Don Rickles, Jack Benny and so many others. And there was not one single swear word in their comedy. Here are a few examples:

* I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

* I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years! If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!

* What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"

* Someone stole all my credit cards but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

* We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

* My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night; only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

* My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.

* She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

* I was just in London; there is a 6-hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

* The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill so the doctor gave him another six months.

* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. " Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"

* Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I am 60!" Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"

* A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand? " The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"

* Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears.."
Doctor: "Don't answer!"

* A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking.."
The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."

* Why do Jewish divorces cost so much?
They're worth it.

*Why do Jewish men die before their wives?
They want to.

The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.

There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins.. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.

Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American-Princess horror movie?
A: It's called, 'Debbie Does Dishes'.

Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!

Q: What's a Jewish American Princess's favorite position?
A: Facing Bloomingdale's.

A man called his mother in Florida,
"Mom, how are you?"
"Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
The mother answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks, "What part is it?"
The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
"The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."

Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
A: Under the vacuum cleaner.

Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody."

Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us. We won. Let's eat.

Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said, "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days."
"Force yourself," she replied.

Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women don't like anything that Isn't 20% off.