2013 Jokes, Humour and Funny Stuff

Did they open the stomach to see what it ate?

As my late father used to say, "Oh, balls!"

This had to be reposted







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Is that iPhone for real? makes me want one, but I guess that's probably just a mock. they could do that on android but the icons could be copyrighted. I want a windows phone 95 so badly now...

A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.

The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.


"Do you really talk?" he asks the dog.


"Yes," the Labrador replies.


After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, the man asks, "So, tell me your story."


The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I was sold to the SAS. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years".


"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow Airport to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals".


"Then I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired."

The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.

"Ten quid," the owner says.

"£10!!? But your dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"

"Because he's a liar, he's never been out of the garden."

http://www.hpcfactor.com/forums/forums/thread-view.asp?tid=15715&start=181&highlight=dog+liar&highlightmode=1

Page 13, 4th joke down....OMG, reruns....

C'mon, Rich, it's summertime (at least in the Northern Hemisphere).

“In English,” Professor Austin said, “a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative.”

A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

The dude does not know Russian obviously.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

The more Applie whinge about patent infringement, the more I wish that Microsoft had finished them off in the early 2000's.

I remember reading about that... Apparently the calculator app looked so identical it lead to all the other comparisons.

I would say someone at Apple design just likes Braun design or studied it too much.

Apple only sued Samsung because they are really threatening Apple's sales. But honestly Apple is simply lucky with the whole iOS thing, and its no surprise if they eventually cannot sustain its lead and have to resort to attacks like that to slow the customer loss.

So its all just business and I don't take their accusations too seriously.

Yes you can!