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Jokes, Humour and Funny Stuff

Moderators: insurgent, C:Amie

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HPC:Fan Page Icon Posted 2020-04-23 2:53 PM
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H/PC Sensei

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Al's not amused.





Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex? Because they were watch dogs




Edited by HPC:Fan 2020-04-23 2:53 PM
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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2020-04-23 3:12 PM
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Guess what time the man went to the dentist?

Tooth hurt-y
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Jake Page Icon Posted 2020-04-23 9:17 PM
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H/PC Elder

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Choking on the stench of ambition in Washington DC
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Two blondes meet on opposite sides of a river. First blonde says, "How do I get to the other side?" Second blonde answers, "You ARE on the other side."
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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2020-04-23 10:01 PM
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What did the bra say to the hat?

You go on a head, I gotta give these two a lift.
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Alt Bass Page Icon Posted 2020-04-23 10:19 PM
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H/PC Sensei

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I'll ask these gentlemen to contribute since I know no dad jokes.
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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2020-04-23 10:54 PM
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I have a fear of speed bumps.
I'm slowly getting over it.


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CE Geek Page Icon Posted 2020-04-24 8:21 AM
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A doctor told a blonde that, due to the current pandemic, she should wash her hands through two complete sings of "Happy Birthday to You." Incredulous, she exclaimed, "You mean I gotta keep washing for two full years?"

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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2020-04-24 9:35 AM
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Dad: I don't trust those trees, son.

Son: What? Why not?

Dad: They seem kind of shady.
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CE Geek Page Icon Posted 2020-04-24 9:44 AM
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Speaking of trees:

A high school chum of mine came into town from the East Coast. Even though I've lived in this house for a long time, he had never seen it, so I gave him a tour.

After the walk-through of both upstairs and downstairs, I showed him the big back yard.

"See that tree over there? My grandfather planted it."

Surprised, he replied, "Really? It's pretty small."

"Well, he only planted it last week."

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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2020-04-24 10:25 AM
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

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CE Geek Page Icon Posted 2020-04-24 12:07 PM
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Speaking of fields:

I don't know why people are so interested in the Jolly Green Giant. I mean, all day long he just stands out there in the middle of the corn and peas . . .

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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2020-04-24 12:57 PM
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Yesterday, I ate a clock. It was very time consuming.

Especially when I went back for seconds.
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Rich Hawley Page Icon Posted 2020-04-25 1:17 AM
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What! What is this? Elementary kiddie school joke time? Ya'll killin me…

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problem out with a pencil.

It was a number 2 pencil.
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HPC:Fan Page Icon Posted 2020-04-25 8:54 AM
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Rich Hawley - 2020-04-24 8:17 PM

It was a number 2 pencil.


Edit by C:Amie: No swearing please- https://www.hpcfactor.com/qlink/?linkID=2
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C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2020-04-25 10:28 AM
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Rich Hawley - 2020-04-25 1:17 AM

What! What is this? Elementary kiddie school joke time? Ya'll killin me…

No, it's who can post the worst dad joke!



To the person that stole my Microsoft Office, I will find you.

You have my Word.
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