x
This website is using cookies. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. More info. That's Fine
HPC:Factor Logo 
 
Latest Forum Activity

Jokes, Humour and Funny Stuff

Moderators: insurgent, C:Amie

Jump to page : First : Prev : 1 2 [3] 4 5 6 7 8 ... : Next : Last
Now viewing page 3 [15 messages per page]

Jake Page Icon Posted 2017-03-10 5:29 PM
#
Avatar image of Jake
Subscribers
H/PC Elder

Posts:
1,994
Location:
Choking on the stench of ambition in Washington DC
Status:
Guy goes to a diner and orders chili, the day's special. Owner says they're out, so guy orders a sandwich. He's starting to eat it when he notices the man next to him has a full bowl of chili. Guy asks man if he's going to eat it, the man says it's all yours.

About halfway through the bowl, guy finds a dead mouse in it. He immediately throws up, right into the bowl.

The other man nods knowingly. "Yeah, I did the same thing."
 Top of the page
Alt Bass Page Icon Posted 2017-03-10 9:32 PM
#
Avatar image of Alt Bass
H/PC Sensei

Posts:
1,040
Location:
Russia
Status:
Is anybody else thinking that there is nothing funny about somebody being perfect douche? Not blaming anything, just want to know if I am still lacking sense of UK or US humour after years of interwebs.

Edited by Alt Bass 2017-03-10 9:32 PM
 Top of the page
Jake Page Icon Posted 2017-03-10 9:35 PM
#
Avatar image of Jake
Subscribers
H/PC Elder

Posts:
1,994
Location:
Choking on the stench of ambition in Washington DC
Status:
You obviously haven't watched enough Three Stooges
 Top of the page
C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2017-03-11 9:59 AM
#
Avatar image of C:Amie
Administrator
H/PC Oracle

Posts:
14,934
Location:
Fields End, UK
Status:
Quote
Alt Bass - 2017-03-10 9:32 PM

Is anybody else thinking that there is nothing funny about somebody being perfect douche? Not blaming anything, just want to know if I am still lacking sense of UK or US humour after years of interwebs.
That's 100% not the UK humour stereotype. US is more slapstick and visual, UK tends to be darker and more subtle. What's the Russian stereotype?
 Top of the page
Jake Page Icon Posted 2017-03-11 1:40 PM
#
Avatar image of Jake
Subscribers
H/PC Elder

Posts:
1,994
Location:
Choking on the stench of ambition in Washington DC
Status:
>> US is more slapstick and visual, UK tends to be darker and more subtle. <<

As an American, I think that's an accurate comparison. In terms of cinematic comedy, the British are more natural actors than Americans, so the Brits rely less on cult of personality (larger-than-life Americans like Jerry Lewis or Jim Carrey) and more on the actual script (Benny Hill an exception )

As for darkness, the British show Fleabag is a good recent example; I think there's enough indie action that Fleabag, and its premises, could've been made in America, but I think its tone is naturally-made in England.

Jake
 Top of the page
Alt Bass Page Icon Posted 2017-03-11 1:50 PM
#
Avatar image of Alt Bass
H/PC Sensei

Posts:
1,040
Location:
Russia
Status:
Quote
C:Amie - 2017-03-11 12:59 PM

That's 100% not the UK humour stereotype. US is more slapstick and visual, UK tends to be darker and more subtle. What's the Russian stereotype?


I'm only 25 and I have not seen too much in my life to be sure. I do not believe that there is a definitive stereotype as Russia is a huge country with strongly diverse circumstances (historical, social and natural).

There sure are some subtle jokes in Russia which are consequence of soviet reign terror. They are getting less popular of course.

I am afraid of being misleading but I think that main theme of most appreciated jokes is about joke hero being smarter then others and taking advantage of it.

Stories and jokes about being extremele insensitive are only popular if there are no reallly bad consequences of hero being insensitive or he did it accidentially. Jokes about sexual life are unpopular because sex liberation lasted for only two decades already.

Edited by Alt Bass 2017-03-11 1:52 PM
 Top of the page
CE Geek Page Icon Posted 2017-07-01 10:01 AM
#
Avatar image of CE Geek
Global Moderator
H/PC Oracle

Posts:
12,016
Location:
Southern California
Status:
Okay, back to the humo(u)r. Stole this one from Facebook:

Q: What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A: One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

 Top of the page
C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2017-07-02 9:44 AM
#
Avatar image of C:Amie
Administrator
H/PC Oracle

Posts:
14,934
Location:
Fields End, UK
Status:
Only works after googling
 Top of the page
CE Geek Page Icon Posted 2017-07-02 10:53 PM
#
Avatar image of CE Geek
Global Moderator
H/PC Oracle

Posts:
12,016
Location:
Southern California
Status:
Not to us locals here in SoCal.
 Top of the page
C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2018-01-02 8:37 AM
#
Avatar image of C:Amie
Administrator
H/PC Oracle

Posts:
14,934
Location:
Fields End, UK
Status:
Par-a-pros-dok'-ians:

First time I heard about Paraprosdokians, I liked them. Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous. (Winston Churchill loved them).

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you ..but it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency, notify.." I answered "a doctor."

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one these days.

----------

Brexit

Mr Dave Davis is at the golf club returning his locker key when Mr Barnier, the membership secretary sees him.
"Hello Mr Davis", says Mr Barnier. "I'm sorry to hear you are no longer renewing your club membership, if you would like to come to my office we can settle your account".
"I have settled my bar bill" says Mr Davis.
"Ah yes Mr Davis", says Mr Barnier, "but there are other matters that need settlement"
In Mr Barnier's office -
Mr Davis explains that he has settled his bar bill so wonders what else he can possibly owe the Golf Club?
"Well Mr Davis" begins Mr Barnier, "you did agree to buy one of our Club Jackets".
"Yes" agrees Mr Davis "I did agree to buy a jacket but I haven't received it yet". "As soon as you supply the jacket I will send you a cheque for the full amount".
"That will not be possible" explains Mr Barnier. "As you are no longer a club member you will not be entitled to buy one of our jackets"!
"But you still want me to pay for it" exclaims Mr Davis.
"Yes" says Mr Barnier, "That will be £500 for the jacket. "There is also your bar bill".
"But I've already settled my bar bill" says Mr Davis. "Yes" says Mr Barnier, "but as you can appreciate, we need to place our orders from the Brewery in advance to ensure our bar is properly stocked".. "You regularly used to spend at least £50 a week in the bar so we have placed orders with the brewery accordingly for the coming year". "You therefore owe us £2600 for the year".
"Will you still allow me to have these drinks?" asks Mr Davis. "No of course not Mr Davis". "You are no longer a club member!" says Mr Barnier. "Next is your restaurant bill" continues Mr Barnier. "In the same manner we have to make arrangements in advance with our catering suppliers". "Your average restaurant bill was in the order of £300 a month, so we'll require payment of £3600 for the next year"
I don't suppose you'll be letting me have these meals either" asks Mr Davis.
No, of course not" says an irritated Mr Barnier, "you are no longer a club member!"
"Then of course" Mr Barnier continues, "there are repairs to the clubhouse roof".
"Clubhouse roof" exclaims Mr Davis, "What's that got to do with me?"
"Well it still needs to be repaired and the builders are coming in next week", your share of the bill is £2000".
"I see" says Mr Davis, "anything else?".
"Now you mention it" says Mr Barnier, "there is Fred the Barman's pension". "We would like you to pay £5 a week towards Fred's pension when he retires next month". "He's not well you know so I doubt we'll need to ask you for payment for longer than about five years, so £1300 should do it".
"This brings your total bill to £10,000" says Mr Barnier.
"Let me get this straight" says Mr Davis, "you want me to pay £500 for a jacket you won't let me have, £2600 for beverages you won't let me drink and £3600 for food you won't let me eat, all under a roof I won't be allowed under and not served by a bloke who's going to retire next month!"
"Yes, it's all perfectly clear and quite reasonable" says Mr Barnier.
 Top of the page
Rich Hawley Page Icon Posted 2018-01-02 8:58 PM
#
Avatar image of Rich Hawley
Global Moderator
H/PC Guru

Posts:
6,907
Location:
USA
Status:
I'm still waiting for the punchline on that last joke...
 Top of the page
CE Geek Page Icon Posted 2018-01-03 4:05 AM
#
Avatar image of CE Geek
Global Moderator
H/PC Oracle

Posts:
12,016
Location:
Southern California
Status:
It's at the beginning of the joke, Rich.
 Top of the page
C:Amie Page Icon Posted 2018-01-03 8:37 AM
#
Avatar image of C:Amie
Administrator
H/PC Oracle

Posts:
14,934
Location:
Fields End, UK
Status:
Quote
CE Geek - 2018-01-03 4:05 AM

It's at the beginning of the joke, Rich.
David Davis you mean?
 Top of the page
CE Geek Page Icon Posted 2018-01-04 1:18 AM
#
Avatar image of CE Geek
Global Moderator
H/PC Oracle

Posts:
12,016
Location:
Southern California
Status:
C'mon, C:Amie, you know I'm referring to the title of the joke.
 Top of the page
CE Geek Page Icon Posted 2018-01-20 10:57 PM
#
Avatar image of CE Geek
Global Moderator
H/PC Oracle

Posts:
12,016
Location:
Southern California
Status:
I tried to catch some of this fog we’ve been having, but I mist.
 Top of the page
hpc:factor« View previous thread · Off Topic · View next thread »

Jump to page : First : Prev : 1 2 [3] 4 5 6 7 8 ... : Next : Last
Now viewing page 3 [15 messages per page]

Jump to forum:
Seconds to generate: 0.141 - Cached queries : 71 - Executed queries : 8
Server Time now is: Tuesday, 17 September 2019 - 1:45